Celine!

 
Flipping around the cable-sphere I stopped on the new Oprah channel called, OWN, as in, " I, Oprah, OWN the air you breathe. "  On my TV was a two and half hour epic devoted to a day in the life of the world's greatest singer, Celine! Dion. I discovered that Celine!days are actually two weeks in length instead of the more vulgar 24 hours apportioned to the rest of us. So on this particular "day" she spent the morning riding in a golf cart touring three of her eight indoor PGA golf courses with her husband/manager, René Angélil and their combined DNA, René-Charles. For lunch they went to Africa where they were met on the tarmac by a frail Nelson Mandela and the Soweto Blind Children's Chorus. After handily winning a VH1-style Diva sing off against ALL the children and Mandella, she was off to safari. On safari, only specially selected albino animals encrusted with genuine Swarovski crystal were allowed to prowl within the sight line of la famille du Angélil. Early evening found her dancing like a scarecrow and displaying her trademark vocal pyrotechnics in Abu Dhabi, Brussels and Papau New Guinea. There was only time for the shortest of visits to the Vatican to have René-Charles hair trimmed.  
I will never know if they they sleep on piles of cotton balls picked daily by children of the world's remaining royalty because Dr. Robot walked in and changed the channel (with out asking) to a show about Bigfoot sightings and spent the next 28 minutes yelling at the TV.  Believe me, I am as disappointed as you..