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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What Kind of Starbuckery Is This?!?!

The Shamrock Shake (SS) arouses emotion. For me, it heralds the coming of spring and better days. My memories of its minty excellence become more distant every year. It seems the corporate McOverlords have decided to tone it down. I am aging and my senses are diminishing but I would swear - in a court of law - that the SS is taking on a bland limey flavor.  I have no proof of this except my own expert opinion. Opinions - there are strong ones about the Absinthe of fast food. The "green fairy" is not everyone's idea of a good time.The annual reemergence of the SS causes some to swoon with nostalgia and others to recoil in disgust. I will not change your mind. Go get yourself a Frappuccino.

Uncle O'Shakey (or something like that) was the brand mascot. He was essentially the Grimace but he was green and had an artless Irish accent. Back in the 70s we loved foam rubber characters. What did we know? These kids now only accept the CGI, the avatar, the hologram. Today, the only place to see a foam rubber character is at minor league sporting event. Even then they are unrecognizable beast-folk,  half man, half swordfish. They don't make sense, not like Grimace or Uncle O'Shakey.

Now, I'm talking to you Shamrock Shake, it's just you and me here. I know it's crass but I must mention the obvious "work" you've had done recently. We all know how old you are, Shamrock Shake. The hipper-than-thou cup, whipped topping , with a cherry(!?) - that's just embarrassing. I'm no stranger to having nuerotoxin injected directly into MY FACE, but I walked right by you. You are almost unrecognizable. I still love you - look at me, Shamrock Shake - I LOVE YOU. I am just concerned for you and a little disappointed for me. Forget it, I can tell you're not listening.