PAINt in the a$$

Painting kills

Today I was reminded of a couple of hard truths about painting - interior, not exterior - that is too horrible to contemplate. This information is mostly for the kids but even the more experienced can benefit from a timely reminder. Someday soon you will live in a space that you will want to put your mark on with paint. I am not talking about your crappy college apartment that you spackle with toothpaste and slap on the cheap whitewash at 3:00 a.m. - that just makes me mad. How long have you known you were moving?!  I swear to God you had better get the security deposit back - don't even come home this summer if you lose that security deposit. Stay up all night and finish cleaning that dump  or go to India and find a job to earn back that security deposit!

OK, here is the DIY painting advice that will save you a river of bitter, bitter tears:

• It will not be "kinda fun" to do it yourself
• If you think you're bad enough to mix your own colors - write down the colors
• You can not get it done with just one gallon - ever
• When you start to run out of your "custom paint" you will need to skip the parts of the wall that are obscured by furniture. Others may never know you didn't paint behind the Armoire but you do, you do
• When you pull the painter's tape off the ceiling don't let it fall on your head. It's really sticky and it will painfully rip your hair out from the roots
• All the period detail you find so charming? Nooks and freakin' crannies
• I hope you buy in bulk because somebody is losing their toothbrush to clean those nooks -n- crannies out before you paint them
• When descending a ladder, never assume you are on the last step - verify visually
• Your custom (impossible to duplicate) color is indistinguishable from the color you thought wasn't quite right